“It’s actually more interesting than the study suggests because as adults, we don’t help strangers or people we don’t know that well. And toddlers are very aware of who they don’t know or are uncomfortable being held by but they still lend a helping hand.”

You don’t? That’s odd, but understandable. I choose not to help people who I am distrustful or fearful of – people who I think will take advantage of me or bring me harm. That’s a self-defense mechanism. It stands to reason that as a child is not born with these fears and instead learns them as a response to stressful or traumatic events, they would not ‘censor’ who they offer a helping hand to.

Of course they’d be uncomfortable around people they don’t know well. I’m something of an introvert, so I’m especially familiar with that sensation. However, ask yourself this: do you really feel no desire whatsoever to help that person? Or is it that you do want to help them, but you’re afraid that doing so will make you vulnerable to attack or that your efforts will be wasted? Try and remember what you were like as a child. I often find the unconditional honesty of children both endearing and refreshing, and this extends also to my inner child and his honesty about who he is!

My initial impulses usually tend err on the side of kindness rather than cruelty. However I cannot stand people who harm or take advantage of others, and I see a lot of ignorance and prejudice in this world nowadays, which can make me miserable and closed off from others. While it’s important to protect yourself, just remember that “the wall” is a two-way thing: while you can insulate yourself from all the bad things in life, you’re no longer able to experience the good. Thus either a compromise or the strength to persevere through extreme adversity is the recommended choice for living a full and honest life.

I only do things that I want to do. That, by its very definition, is selfishness, is it not?

I believe the same could be said of everyone. If you do things you do not enjoy, you still want to do them – whether out of a belief that it will benefit you in some way (misguided or not), out of social obligation or more.

Self-awareness is greatly useful in deciding which decisions are a compromise between conflicting desires and which among those desires are truly your own, which beliefs are truly felt and which are born of fears etc, but it is impossible to act in a way that does not pertain to yourself.

What is it that I _truly_ want to do? The answers to that question are provided not by impersonal or rational analysis but by an innate sense of ‘knowing’ that comes from the self. The fact is, empathy and altriusm are a part of my self, and arguably more so than some. I help others not because I have analysed the situation logically and concluded it would be good for me in the long run. Nor do I help because I feel under social obligation to do so (at least not all the time anyway). Far more often I assist people because I inwardly feel the impulse, the desire to do so – and in fulfilling that desire, born purely of the ‘self’, I feel positive and fulfilled.

So, you could say that my altriustic actions are selfish in nature, but no more selfish than are all actions performed by a living creature. I do not really believe in the notion of ‘selflessness’, as I do not believe consciousness can exist without the self, but in the sense it is commonly understood I do believe that ‘selflessness’ is an innate component of the human experience.

(On consciousness and experiencing oneself… I wonder what awareness plants have?)

It is only in the case of sociopaths and other ‘mentally ill’ individuals who are lacking this component of their being who do not feel the need to help. They may be helpful, yes, but only in the sense we commonly interpret the word ‘selfish’, and not out of any genuine desire.